10 Things I Have Learned from Conservatives

These are only the first ten (there are many more). More lists may follow.

1. Americans fight and die in wars because they like the National Anthem at sporting events.
2. The words "Constitution" and "Bible" should always be used together in a sentence. (Apparently they are both the inspired word of God.)
3. When you are caught in a lie, just say it more frequently and more loudly. That proves it is really true.
4. Popes are okay as long as they are conservative.
5. Atheists are okay as long as her name is Ayn Rand.
6. The white privilege under which I have lived for 68 years apparently isn't real.
7. Torture is a bad thing unless Americans are doing it.
8. The Founders really only intended religious liberty to apply to Christians.
9. If you are a Christian, you should only have to obey the laws you feel like obeying.
10. Gays are going to ruin the institution of marriage. (Heteros were doing such a good job of doing it right.)